Jamey reflects on her actions
by nikki1978
Summary: Takes place post season 1. What might have happened if Jamey lived and gone to prison, her thoughts on her actions during season 1. Her POV. Please read and review.


Jamey Reflects on her actions

SUMMERY: This is a story about Jamey Ferrall and her thoughts about her relationship with Ira Gaines and the events she was involved in during season 1 If she had lived.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own 24 or any of it's charaters.

Jamey sat in her cell and hugged her knees to her chest, missing her son kyle badly, wondering what he must think of her now. Jamey was sure they had told him, told him about how his mother was a traitor. She already knew her parents had been told, because they had shown up at the prison to see her shortly after she had arrived.

She could barely bring herself to look them in the eye, and they could barely look back at her. She knew she had let them down. Even worse, she had let kyle, her son, down the most. They wouldn't let her call home to speak to him, before they came to ctu to take her to jail, and since she had arrived here they wouldn't let her call to find out if he knew what was going on or not. When she asked her parents if Kyle knew what was going on, they said they had only told him that his mother did something bad, and was taking responsibility for it. They said they didn't want to unload too much detail on him at once, they were afraid of emotional damage because he was still fairly young yet.

Then Jamey turned her thoughts to Ira Gaines, and wished now she had never gotten involved with him. She should have turned around and walked away when he had approached her that night in the club. But she was back home since her divorce from her ex-husband Derrick, and wanted to start fresh, she wanted Kyle to have a fresh start too. It had been a while since her divorce before she could trust men again and start dating. She was tired of being alone, and Ira had been such a gentlemen the night they met, nothing at all like Derrick or any of the guys she had dated before her marrige. She remembered that night that he was staring at her for sometime from the bar before he approached her, then finally he bought her a drink, walked over to her, and they began to talk from there.

She also remembered how easy it seemed to talk to him, to tell him anything. She felt like she was talking to an old friend then just some guy that had bought her a drink. She told him everything, about Derrick, her son and the troubles with her father being sick, and there not being enough money to get him medical treatment, how she worked her ass off at ctu, and felt she wasn't being payed enough money for the amount effort she put in to her work.

Ira had just sat there, listening closely and not interrupting her at all. He drove her home, and he also gave her his number, and she thought that he might be the one at that point. Now she realized how wrong she was, and couldn't believe she had allowed herself to be talked into believing all his lies. He was so convincing, and she truly believed that he really cared for her. "what a joke," she thought to her self.

He had even bought her things, jewlery, cards, little things. He always took her to the best resaturants, and when he finally took her back to his place, and they made love for the first time, she had remembered thinking she might even be _in love_ with him. He was a gentle and passionate lover, putting her needs and wants before his, unlike her ex-husband Derrick, who always thought of himself first. And it wasn't just her that he bought things for, he even bought her family things, he bought her son kyle toys and would occasionally bring him with them if they went out, almost as if he were kyle's father, at least it looked that way. Kyle took insantly to him, even better than his own father.

He bought stuff for her parents too, just little things around the house. Jamey knew when they first met him, that her mother couldn't understand why she was dating another anglo man. Her mother would say; "wasn't it enough with Derrick? You saw what he did to you and Kyle," but once they got to know Ira they started to like him too, although hermotherhad stop saying that, Jamey knew she was still weary of the whole situation. Espeacially when Jamey began depositing large amounts of money into her mothers account. Her mother would ask her where it came from, how was she getting it, and Jamey would always say; " It's for Kyle and both of you, in case something happens to me, please don't ask me where it comes from, just take it."

Jamey couldn't tell her mother the truth, she wouldn't understand. She knew her mother didn't particularly care for Ira to begin with, she didn't have to say it, it's something Jamey knew in her heart. She didn't care for Derrick either when she brought him home.

Jamey sighed. She really did wish she could go back in time and do things differently. Before her mother left the prison, her last words were; "I knew that anglo would be trouble," and then said no more about it. Looking back on it all, he played on every one of her weaknesses, using it to his advantage and knowing that if he said the right things she wanted to hear she would do anything for him, and sadly she realized now, he was right. At that point she loved him and wanted to protect him and make him happy, her _ultimate_ weakness.

She had remebered what Tony had said while they were leading her out of ctu and to prison; "Was it worth it Jamey? Was worth the lives lost today?"

Jamey began to cry a little, her eyes tearing up. No, it wasn't worth it. She realized that now. Because of her blindless and desperation, innocent people died for nothing. Because of Ira, she betrayed fellow colleages and close friends. Her close friend, a man she considered a role model, is dead because of her. Ira was involved to some point with the same people that killed richard walsh. Jamey knew she would never forgive herself for that. He had given her a chance, believed in her, believed she was good enough to work at ctu. But she destroyed all of that for false love and happiness, for lies.

Jamey layed down and tried to put all this out of her mind. She knew Gaines was dead, shot by Jack, and she was relieved for that. He deserved it. Jamey closed her eyes, and dreamed this all had never happened.


End file.
